It's time to go small

A gas station goat-based drug deal

It's been a tough week, and I feel like it's that way for all of us. Everyone I know is in "trudging mode." Take a step. Hopefully forward. Take another step. Feed the kids. Step. Take them to school. Do your work. Answer your email. Step. Step. Step.

Even on the precipice of summer, when we are supposed to finally turn our faces toward the sunshine, just five minutes of watching the news or looking at social media is enough to make me want to throw my phone into a ditch. I know I'm not alone.

Sometimes I intentionally leave the phone at home to go buy groceries in silence (these are my "breaks" now - welcome to life with preschoolers). By the time I hit checkout, I'm sullen-faced again with all my compatriots - watching the numbers amass into a fortune at the self-checkout scanner. How do veggies, a chicken, and kids’ lunches for the week total $86.24?

It's not great, Bob.

I don't know how to walk this fine line between bearing witness to current events and staying informed without drowning in sheer muck. Right now, the sticky undertow is fierce, and the muck is winning.

Here are the only things helping me right now: sunshine and dirt, animals, children, prayers, and literally turning my phone off. I have to hold two buttons down until the screen turns black - it's a weird feeling, but I can't function as a constant receptacle to all of it anymore. Discernment has become the only way to survive these times.

Like many people do when the stress feels like it's all too much, I talked to my Priest. Right now, he is getting it from all sides, too, just like the rest of us. His suggestion? It's time to go small.

It's no secret that the Catholic Church is in the middle of its own existential crisis. He can't control what's happening at the higher levels of the Church; all he can manage is his own little parish and be of service to the families and community. So, that's what he's doing. In our talk, he urged the same of me. Break the world into what I can and cannot change, and start with where I can impact first.

So, I just got a new buckling delivered today. A handsome little man, he hails from Oregon and comes from fabulous milk and show lines. His name? "Pressed for Time," Pres for short. Getting another goat is like an urban farmer's version of retail therapy. He's a very fancy little boy, the goat equivalent of a Michael Kors or better handbag. He's also polled (naturally hornless), so I look forward to seeing his kids in the spring.

Pres was supposed to be delivered today from the goat transport (that is a thing people do) while my husband, Mark, was at the office. It was going to be perfect. Mark would barely notice a new or different goat in the pasture because we’re in the time of year when sales are being made, babies are weaned and moving on, and the deck is shuffling. I thought it would be easy to slip a new boy out there and basically be a shrug emoji when and if I was asked about him. Then Mark decided today was a “work from home” day. Crap.

So, long story short - I slipped over to the Kum and Go gas station (I am not making this up) to grab a goat in the parking lot, like a weird drug deal gone very wrong. I threw him in the cab of the truck. I came home, drove up to the far pasture, and basically shoved Pres out the door with little to no fanfare in the hopes of making a low-key entry. It’s still unclear how much Mark has noticed or not. I gotta get some goats out the door ASAP, we’re reaching a hoarder level over here.

Now that the travel mask mandate is over, we will take the human baby on his first plane ride. Up until now, the thought of trying to pin my child down on the seat to keep a mask on him was too much. Some kiddos were compliant with the masks, and that's great for them and their parents. My family would have ended up as one of those viral videos where the Mom is crying, the Dad is cussing, and the kids are throwing a violent tantrum while the plane is diverted to Topeka for an emergency landing. Now it's nice to have a trip on the horizon to look forward to as a family.

The last of the snow (knocks wood) is finally over? I have plants started from seed, ready to go in the ground. I'm excited to get my hands in the warming soil this weekend. I'll marvel at how the combination of dirt, sunshine, water, and yelling at the bunnies to get the hell away from my planters will turn into delicious and nutritious food for our whole family.

So, those are my small things for now. When the big things are overwhelming, I'll look within the gates of our little farm (and to the airport for a quick trip!) and remember that the big things are all made of so many smaller ones.

Another step. Hopefully forward.

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Hiiiiiii! Me again. So, first off, thank you for reading the things that I write! I hope if you’re having a tough week too you can find some small stuff in your life too.

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What’s a small thing in your life that’s keeping you from drowning in the muck? Let us know in the comments below.

<3,

K