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Evil baby milk sharks

100% cute - 100% terrible

Some mothers I know who nursed their children loved the entire process - I was not one of those people. With both my sons, by the time those little suckers learned how to bite, I was more than finished.

Goat babies run a similar course to humans, just on a much faster timeline. They're standing within a few minutes of birth, and the first order of business is to eat. Over the next few days, they'll learn to get more aggressive for milk, and will eat almost whenever Mom allows. Then baby goats will use their little goat foreheads to knock their Mom's udder to encourage her milk to drop. They look like little boxers punching a speed-bag with their faces - they’ll do anything for milk.

If I see a little blood in the milk, I know that the babies are knocking the udder so hard they're breaking blood vessels. They will get more violent and aggressive to obtain the white stuff, and will go to almost any lengths to get more. They'll start to bite and chase their Moms every time they stand up for food or water - they turn into what we call "baby goat milk sharks."

Goat Moms tolerate this behavior to varying degrees. The sweeter ones will take it with a sigh, and the less permissive will just kick their kids in the head until they go away. If I were a goat, I'd be in the latter category.

I noticed earlier this week when I went out to milk that two of my sweeter does, Bella and Alta, had bite marks all the way down their teats. It was as if their udders had rubbed up against a baby-goat-milk-shark-cheese-grater. I was horrified. Both Moms looked at their kids with exasperated stares. It's time for weaning.

So, I pulled the kids out of the big pasture, and across the property, to a new pen. At eight weeks, they eat hay, drink water, and get milk bottles twice daily. They'll be fine.

I treated their Mom's udders with antiseptic cream and apologized to them for their children (no one has apologized to me for my children - looks over at husband.)

Now that they're portable with bottles, we start the mad dash to sell off the babies while they're still little and cute so I'll spend the week posting them to goat groups and craigslist - looking for new homes. Until then I'll go out twice a day with bottles filled with milk, humming the theme to "Jaws."

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Authors
Kelly Maher